Welcome to the second week in our series ~ 10 simple things you can do today to connect with your child. I’ve been overwhelmed by your response to last week’s post. Thank you to everyone who left a comment here on the blog, joined me on Facebook or shared this on Pinterest. I’m so excited that we’re doing this together!
If you are joining us for the first time, you can read the post for WEEK 1 here, but don’t worry if you missed week 1. You can start right now with week 2. Each week for the next ten weeks, I’ll be sharing one simple idea that you can implement today to foster a more connected relationship with your child. It is my hope that by the end of the ten weeks we will be more present for our children, and more mindful of the type of parent we want to be. With each idea being so simple, and with only one intention to focus on each week, I know we can do this. Will you join me?
WEEK 2 – LISTEN
Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.
If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little,
then they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big,
because to them, all of it has always been big stuff.
~Catherine M. Wallace~
This quote from Catherine M. Wallace stopped me in my tracks the first time I read it. It’s certainly something I need to work on. More and more I’m noticing that I hear my son, R (3), but I’m not actively listening to him. I’ve become a master at interjecting with “Oh, really” and “that’s great honey” at just the right moment in a conversation, but my mind is so full of “stuff” lately ~ you know, all those really exciting things like deciding what to cook for dinner tonight, putting another load of washing in the machine, realising that DVD rental was due back at the store three days ago ~ that it’s not until R has finished talking that I realise I haven’t actually heard a single word he’s said. This has really caught me by surprise. I never used to be so distracted. If I don’t work on this now, eventually he’ll simply stop sharing with me. I want him to feel heard and valued. I want him to know that he can always come to me and I’ll listen intently. Last week’s intention of making eye contact and smiling has really helped. It has ensured I’m present for him before he even begins to speak to me.
This week’s intention then, is to listen. Attentively.
Let’s be mindful to show our children that we are genuinely interested in what they have to say. Let’s put aside distractions and truly hear our children. Ask questions and then truly listen to the answers. This is how we can come to know who our children really are, what matters to them, and what they truly need from us. This is how we can encourage them to want to keep sharing with us as they grow older.
Below are some links to articles that I’ve found helpful in learning to becoming a better listener. You’ll also find lots more links on my Pinterest board “Inspiring blog posts and parenting inspiration“.
- Want to learn how to be a better listener for your child? Dr Laura Markham at Aha!Parenting has Ten Tips to Be a Brilliant Listener with Your Child (this post has been a wonderful help to me)
- If you’re stuck for ideas of meaningful questions to ask your child then Dr Markham shares 100 Conversation Starters for Family Discussions
- Gina at Famiglia&Seoul has created a list of ways she plans to revive quality connections with her son.
How will you make time to listen to your child? Let’s share our ideas in the comments.
Here are the links for all 10 weeks of this series.
Week 1 – See them.
Week 2 – Listen.
Week 3 – Say yes.
Week 4 – Begin each day with play.
Week 5 – Come from a place of love.
Week 6 – Believe in them.
Week 7 – Let them be themselves.
Week 8 – Switch off, tune in.
Week 9 – Be a real person. Share yourself.
Week 10 – Be kind to yourself. You are enough.
If this is your first time visiting One Perfect Day – welcome! If you like what you have found, please join us on our Facebook page. We are always sharing new ideas to play, learn, create and explore.
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Thank you so much for this series. I feel like I have been a pretty crappy parent lately for various reasons, and I’ve been looking for ways to change and improve the way I engage with my son. The two ideas you’ve presented so far have been really thoughtful and I can see how effective they are, despite their ostensible simplicity.
Hi Leia. It’s easy to be tough on ourselves but the point is you are here, you are reading posts like this one and you are consciously looking for ways to reconnect with your son. That speaks volumes about the wonderful, loving, gentle Mamma you truly are. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve seen positive effects frm the two ideas shared so far. Their simplicity is key. The whole point of the series is to just stop for a few minutes, forget all the mind clutter and connect in the simplest,most genuine ways. Have you read my other post “4 strategies for positive parenting”? It’s long, but there are some links at the end which may be helpful ~ http://www.oneperfectdayblog.net/2012/05/10/four-simple-strategies-for-positive-parenting/
Yes yes yes! I always losten to my2.5yo when hd speaks to me. He is just pearning to form sentances and it is SO important i listen to him and try to understand him. He is so patient with me when i dont understand a certain word. He will repeat it till i get it. I will always try my best to listen to my boy even if its just him saying “look! A plane!’ for the tenth time haha.
Hi Jackie! That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Listening intently no matter what it is they’re sharing. It does take a lot of mindfulness to remain genuinely enthusiastic when you’ve heard the same thing 100 times though doesn’t it? haha
I found your post through pinterest. What a great series! Such simple actions which can make such a great impact. I look forward to the next 8 weeks.
Thank you Meggen for being here and for your lovely comment.
Oh wow. This is so incredibly, incredibly true. I’ve become very aware lately that whenever my daughter (six today!) and I get into a disagreement, I can usually work it back to some point where I did not really *REALLY* listen to what she was saying, or worse – continuing the conversation before she has finished her sentence (yes, interrupting her!!) when I thought I got the gist of what she was trying to say. Or giving ideas and solutions to a problem she has posed while she was still trying to work it out herself and in that robbing her of some precious lessons and self-worth boosting conclusions of her own.
I have come to realize that I am (or have become lately) a very bad listener and I can see it working negatively in my relationship with my daughter.
And when she does not do as I ask her, can I really blame her for not listening if I set such a bad example?
Don’t get me wrong, I still think I’m a pretty good mom over all, but I am pretty good too because I know when and where I make mistakes, I acknowledge them and I work on them.
I pledged earlier today that I will make a serious, serious, serious point of listening more intently at my daughter – to the big and the small, and that I will listen all the way to the end and not jump to conclusions or make suggestions before she has given me her permission to do so.
Thank you, I’m definitely going to have a look at the blog posts and inspirations you mention above.
Before I know it another six years would have gone by and I would love to sit back and reflect on the times we spent together, just talking and listening. Respecting.
Thank you for sharing that with us Minette and Happy Birthday to your daughter! You have touched on exactly what I was getting at in my post – that if I don’t work on this now, suddenly my son will be grown and I’ll have missd my chance to pay the foundations for a connected and meaningful relationship with him. Much love to you Minette in your pledge to listen more intently. Please keep in touch and let us all know how it goes?
I am guilty as charged. I have taught my oldest to say “excuse me mom” to get my attention, but I have not taught my 2yr-old yet. I need to start teaching her to because I have noticed her sweet voice gets ignored while I am absorbed in whatever I’m doing.. Children really respect a good listener and they know a good one when they see one. I think the best way to teach is by example. So, if we want our children to be good listeners we must first be good listeners ourselves. Thanks for the reminder! Can’t wait to read more.
Thank you Tulip for your thoughtful comment. It’s so easy to become absorbed in what we’re doing or distracted by the stresses of the day that their voices just aren’t heard sometimes.
what a great idea for a series… listening is so important. not only does it allow us insight into our children’s thoughts and feelings, it shows them that their words and opinions are important. pinned this and can’t wait for next week!
Thanks so much for pinning Andie! You are so right – listening, making them feel heard, is how we make them feel valued. and let them realize that they matter and what thy have to say is important.
This is brilliant. I love the idea of this series, even if you are doing a great job (which I know I often am not) as a parent, it is helpful to have these little reminders of the simple ways you can be more present and focussed on your child. Thanks so much for sharing this on Kids Co-op. I’m sharing this on my FB page.
Hi Monko. Thank you so much for sharing this on your FB wall!
I love that quote!
Hi Julie. It’s a very moving quote isn’t it?
Tomorrow I will be adding this to my try list! ; )
Thank you.
Wow! This post has me reflecting, and realizing I need to listen more… to not hear, but listen
It has been suggested to me that when my child is trying to talk with me, and I am not able to fully listen at that moment, I can say, “I really want to hear what you have to say, would you be willing to wait 5 minutes so I can give you my full attention?” Then I set a timer so we both know when the 5 minutes are up! Use the same number of minutes as your child’s age, for example, 5 minutes for a 5 year old, 2 minutes for a 2 year old, etc. They appreciate the honesty, and are learning patience too!
I used to give my first child so much attention. Now that I have two kiddos and a full time job, I feel like my second has not had so much one on one time. Thank you for reminding me to stop-drop-and-play for a few minutes.
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