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WEEK 8 – Switch off, tune in.
This is not the post I had intended to share this week. I had a completely different idea in mind for this post but then yesterday, things changed. Several months ago I decided to have a self imposed rule that I would not switch on the lap top at all during the day. That had been working really well. I was focusing on R during the day, not the screen. Then I bought a smart phone. Suddenly I was always connected. Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, 3 different email accounts, texts, maintaining this blog, all of it right there, all of the time. I know you know exactly what I mean. It is a constant struggle for me to just put the phone down. Sometimes I have to put it on silent and hide it in a cupboard in another room just to stop myself from responding to the constant stream of notifications and emails. Yesterday, I showed no such will power. I don’t think the phone left my side the entire day. The endless notifications had my constant attention and R was coming second every time. It wasn’t until we were sitting at the dining table, playing a board game together and I heard the words “Come ON Mummy!” that I was finally jolted out of my smart phone hypnosis. As I snapped out of it, I realised that R had said those words to me three times before I registered what was going on. Never again. I need to refocus. I need to stop sending R the message that he comes second to a “device”.
I need to switch off and tune in.
I need to disconnect, in order to reconnect.
Do you need motivation to switch off and tune in? I’ll never forget the first time I came across Hands Free Mama and read Rachel’s powerful post How To Miss a Childhood. I already knew I was too distracted but it was when I read that post that I finally made a commitment to myself (and to R) to do something about it. These are the posts that I’m going to read again this week to refocus on being present.
- I Have a Disease I think I need to print out the “cure for the disease” section of this post and pin it to my fridge door. That will be all the motivation I need to put the phone down.
- The Children Have Spoken – because our children DO notice what’s going on.
- A Well Loved Child – to remind myself that these opportunities for connection won’t last forever. I need to grasp them now.
If you are joining us for the first time ~ welcome! At the end of this post you will find the links for week 1 through 7. Each week for ten weeks, I’ll be sharing one simple idea that you can implement today to foster a more connected relationship with your child. It is my hope that by the end of the ten weeks we will be more present for our children, and more mindful of the type of parent we want to be. With each idea being so simple, and with only one intention to focus on each week, I know we can do this. Will you join me?
Here are the links for all 10 weeks of this series.
Week 1 – See them.
Week 2 – Listen.
Week 3 – Say yes.
Week 4 – Begin each day with play.
Week 5 – Come from a place of love.
Week 6 – Believe in them.
Week 7 – Let them be themselves.
Week 8 – Switch off, tune in.
Week 9 – Be a real person. Share yourself.
Week 10 – Be kind to yourself. You are enough.
If this is your first time visiting One Perfect Day – welcome! If you like what you have found, please join us on our Facebook page. We are always sharing new ideas to play, learn, create and explore.
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So, so, so, true…there there is so much social media and ways to be constantly “plugged in” out there and some fascinating studies on it and how it affects our minds and relationships. I am so glad you did a post on this….we all need the reminder to “switch it off” and be present in the relationship that is right in front of us.
Thank you Davina! We were sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s the other day, all 3 of us. Mark was on his phone, R had my phone, and I was sat staring at the wall! I just kept thinking how before smart phones, we would have been using that time to connect and talk. At least I’m aware of it. That’s a step in the right direction. Now it will just be a matter of re-training ourselves.
Oh MAN this is so SPOT ON. yes yes yes. I don’t have a smartphone for this very reason. I have to remind myself to keep on guard about this all the time!
The smartphone is a double edge sword. It really is convenient and has allowed me to maintain the blog and handle emails etc in a way that I couldn’t otherwise do, but it’s just finding that balance and finding a way to stop myself from checking it every single minute.
Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing your struggles with technology. Thank you for setting aside what you had originally planned to post and this publish this one instead. I call what you have done here as “stepping into the light of realness.” When we step into the light of realness and show our scars and imperfections, we allow others to do the same. And when we connect with someone in this type of authenticity, there is hope … there is growth … there is an opportunity for change. In years past, I would plaster a smile on my face and tell the world everything was perfect, even though I was dying inside. By the grace of God, things are different now, and I have revealed was life is REALLY like. And in these shares, others have reached out to me and said, “I feel this way, too.” There is such power in knowing we are not alone in our struggles. I commend you for saying, “Today was a bad day.” I commend you for revealing that even the most lovingly connected parents have struggles, too. I have loved your “10 ways to connect series” from first read … but after this, I love it even more. When we see each other’s scars, we love each other more. THANK YOU for keeping it real. XO
Thank you Rachel! That light of realness that you refer to is a wonderful place to be. The very first time I shared an “I had a really bad day”post, I was so nervous to hit that publish button but I just thought, well, someone might just relate to this and appreciate the honesty, and that’s exactly what happened. The reaction was huge and it generated the most comments of any post I’ve ever written. It was a turning point in my blogging journey and since then, I don’t hold back. Beginning this Wednesday, I’m going to be joining a new link up hosted by http://www.picklebums.com call Real Life Wednesday. It’s about sharing our honest, funny, sad, messy real life, in all it’s many guises. I can’t wait to start participating in that. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a kind and supportive comment, not just today, but throughout these past few weeks. Your encouragement has meant so much to me through this ten week journey. And speaking of honesty, thank YOU for being so transparent with your experience and what led you to becoming hands free. x
I try to switch the laptop off during the day now too. It’s just too distracting and if say to yourself you’re just going to go on for 10 minutes, you end up on there for an hour… or more! I think it pays to have a rule and try to stick to it (including with your mobile phone). I have my phones, I look at noticfications but I’m not allowed to respond until the girls are in bed.
That’s exactly what happens to me too Penny. I say I’ll just check one thing, it will only take 10 minutes and then, as you say, an hour later I’m still there (and probably haven’t done the one thing I came on to do!)
Such a great reminder ~ I find I can get rather compulsive around my smartphone. Lately I’ve been leaving it home when we go to the park or for walks… so much better!
That’s a great idea Kelly. I might have to try that.
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A very timely reminder for me! I’m rarely online now, having beaten a very real internet addiction a good few months ago now…but I still have my phone by me and have emails and texts coming in all the time that I simply ‘have’ to respond to. Thank you for writing this. I’ve shared it on my blog: http://theawakenedparent.org/2012/08/11/sharing-saturday-5-11-august/ and also on Pinterest. Great series of posts
It’s a tough habit to break isn’t it? I have all the notifications coming through too – Facebook notifications, twitter, email, texts. It doesn’t stop and even when a notification hasn’t come through I’ll sometimes still pick up the phone to just “check on things”. The smart phone is a wonderful tool and I wouldn’t swap it for anything but it really is hard work to stay in the real world and remember what’s important. Thank you so much for sharing it on your blog and on Pinterest!
I love this series of yours! Childhood is so fleeting, and social media can consume an entire life – and give very little in return. It’s so important to always remember to put our children first!
This is such a huge issue, I know I am guilty of it, but try to curb the habit. I have had Pebble say “put the phone DOWN Mummy!”. That’s sad words to hear from your own child.
Yep – I also have the rule no laptop whilst children are awake. Occasionally I cheat and log on to netbank then get stuck on other things… but I try to be true to myself and my girls.
I gave up my iPhone 5 months ago and that has been hard but a HUGE blessing in keeping my face off my phone and on my girls! Good luck !
This is a great post, I don’t spend huge amounts of time on my phone especially when we are out and about but I do find staying away from my computer difficult. I find myself straying over to check email when I have a moment…. and then it sucks you into its time consuming vortex. This post is a fabulous reminder to stay off the computer until the kids are in bed.
I struggle with this daily. Even when my boys were younger I knew I had a problem when they would say, “Mommy, when you’re done with that email can you _____?” And now I have a stupid smartphone, which does come in handy for quickly deleting the junk emails and finding directions, and my boys will bring my phone to me if it makes the notification sound. I have tried to explain to them that the phone can wait, but after so many years of me being “distracted” by electronics they don’t realize that we don’t have to be at the beck and call of those time suckers. I have turned off my email notification on my phone because I don’t want to be interrupted by another email from some store. The rest of this week I am gonna try leaving the computer off during daylight hours. Thanks for the inspiration!
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This is such a relevant post for me. I am so guilty of this. I use my camera phone to take photos of activities for my blog and as a result it never leaves my side, but this means I am often looking at the screen rather than my Son. I know how irritating it is when I try to talk to my husband and he has his head buried in technology, and yet I am repeating this with goblin. On the days I do remember to leave the phone behind we have such a deep connection, I need to do it more often
I’m the same! I’m obsessed with taking pics and not just for the blog. I take them all day long and of the most ordinary moments. I’m always at my hubby too for always staring at the screen when he could be spending time wit R and yet there I am doing the same thing. I was given an SLR for my birthday last April. I need to learn how to use it so I can stop using the phone as a camera and leave it behind.
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Hi ness this is Monica first of all I love this seriese u have here but I’m having trouble I have two daughters one is 2and the other one is 3 my two year daughter listens very well and we are havin a good connection but my 3 year old daughter doesnt really listen to me and I feel bad myself because I think what am I doing wrong she’s so hyper active and just never stop what tips do u give me on this one.
Hi Monica. Thanks for reading and for your comment. I’m sorry it has taken me a little while to reply. My son can be the same way sometimes. He has SO much energy and there are times when I can’t even finish a sentence before he is on to the next thing. I generally find it helps him to focus and connect with me more if I get down and play. I let him choose the game or activity and then just play along. It’s not always easy to find the time to just stop everything else and play so when I do manage it, he really appreciates it. I’ve also recently started doing Mummy and R dates where we get to spend some special time together, just the two of us. I’ll often let him decide where we’ll go. He seems to really love that this is special time just for us. I’ve also had the following book on my wish list for a while – I haven’t read it yet, so I can’t personally recommend it but I’ve heard good things – “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen…And Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I hope this helps. Let me know hw you go.
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