I’ve talked before about my (sometimes failed) efforts to put down my mobile phone and just be in the moment with my son, R (4). I’m proud to say I’ve come a long way since writing that post back in August and I’ve reached the point where the familiar tone from my phone, alerting me to a new message, has actually become an annoyance, an interruption to my time with R, rather than an escape.
As ever though, R continues to teach me that I can still do better. While I no longer check my messages and emails every ten minutes, while I no longer “just check-in” to Facebook for a quick look over there (that inevitably lasts thirty minutes or more), I do still have the phone by my side constantly. My phone is my camera and I take a LOT of pictures. A quiet day of photography for me is about fifty photos. A regular day is around seventy or eighty and if I happen to be taking photos for an activity that I know will end up on the blog, then we are talking over one hundred photos in a single day (I’m slightly obsessed with getting “the” shot. I’m a perfectionist, what can I say?)
There’s a couple of reasons why I’m so obsessed with taking photos but first and foremost, it is because I am so acutely aware of how special these early years with R really are, and just how quickly it will all fly by. I am so determined to treasure these moments, and not forget a single one of them. R will change so much within the space of a single week. His face is just that little bit more grown up than the week before, the games he likes to play, the favourite toy that never leaves his side, the super-hero outfit that is worn everywhere, all of it is so fleeting and I want so much to remember. So, I take pictures. Constantly.
Today, were playing outside in the sunshine and R was being silly and showing me a funny dance move he’d made up.
“Look at me Mummy!” he exclaimed.
Oh, you are so cute, I thought. I needed to capture this adorable moment, so I began snapping away (actually I’d been snapping away for the entire fifteen minutes we’d been out there).
Again, R pleaded with me “Look at me Mummy!”
“I am looking at you darling.” I replied as I took another shot.
“No. Look at me with your eyes Mummy!”
It was like being woken up. Yes, I was noticing what he was doing, loving it, appreciating it, preserving it, but I was watching it on a screen. He saw Mummy looking down at a device. He saw Mummy engaged with a phone, not present and engaged with him. Finally I got it. I put down the phone. I committed his gorgeous antics to my memory banks instead of a memory card. Now, with my Mummy brain the way it is, I am sure I won’t be able to recall all the details of what he was doing by tomorrow, let alone by next week. It doesn’t matter. All this time I’ve been so caught up in my own memories, trying to give myself something to look back on in years to come, I was forgetting about what kind of memories I’ve been creating for him. I want him to remember a Mummy who was present and engaged and interested. Who looked him in the eyes.
I’m linking this post to Real Life Wednesday over at Picklebums. Click on over to see what real life is being shared by others.
Now to this week’s Sunday Parenting Party linky.
Thank you to all of you for linking up. Here are just a few of my favourites from last week.
When ordinary becomes extraordinary – Awesomely Awake
We all need some slow time – Life Happens Then Write
Nothing was working – LittleOwlCrunchyMomma
Twenty Two Things I Love – The Cute and the Beauty
Chill Out Corner – Positive Time Out – Adventures at Home with Mum
Thank you again to everyone who linked up. If you’ve been featured this week, please feel free to grab a Sunday Parenting Party “Ive been featured” button from my sidebar. I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s posts again this week. We invite you to link up your parenting posts, old or new, humorous or heartfelt, and as many as you like. We ask that you don’t link up kids activities. This linky is purely for posts about parenting. If you do have a kids activity to link up, pop on over to The Weekly Kids’ Co-op. We would love to see you link up there.
What a wonderfully powerful post Ness…and a reminder to us all! Nothing speaks the truth like the words of a child…. Thanks so much for sharing such emotion and honesty !
Thank you Jode! You are so right – our children are so wise, if we just listen to what they have to say.
Oooooh! Great reminder! I am pretty good with my phone and computer, but I too feel the need to capture each and every moment and am definitely guilty of putting the camera between us. This will be a tough one for me to work on!
Hi Megan! Thank you for stopping by. It’s all about finding balance isn’t it? Something that’s not always easy to do.
Thanks so much for featuring my post from last week! Means a lot.
This week linked up, “Babies=$$$ (?)”
http://littleowlcrunchymomma.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-price-of-babies.html
Your welcome! Thank you for linking up and sharing your wonderful posts.
Lovely, thoughtful, and honest post! We moms are not perfect, and sometimes it’s refreshing to hear it from another mom! You told it so well! When does preserving memories get in the way of creating memories for our children! I started taking photos “just to have” and make copies of for family and relatives far away, but then I started doing it for my son so he can look back on his life (with Down syndrome).
I just have to add, Kate at Picklebums.com did her Real Life Wednesday link up daring us moms to link up a blog post featuring…. imperfect (crappy) photos! You know, the ones we never show TO ANYONE! Loved doing that, you should check it out, her photos were also VERY FUNNY!
P.S. Thanks for the feature! Meant a lot! I added your feature button to my blog.
Hi Lisa. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment. Oh yes, I love Kate’s Real Life Wednesday linky. I haven’t had anything suitable to link up for a while but I read it every week. So many wonderful “real” stories to cherish. Thank you for adding the “featured” button to your blog and thanks for linking up!
Wow, a very powerful and emotional post. I appreciate your honesty and know that I have been there many, many times myself. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Stephanie. Sometimes we just need to listen to our children to be “woken up”. Thanks again for linking back here in your wonderful post as well.
Oh my darling Ness. You do know right, that your posts have absolutely changed how I parent? In the sense that your posts have served as gentle wake up calls, little reminders. To step away from the tech. To be in the moment. To smile more and worry about tidying up less. I knew my camera was becoming intrusive when J started asking me to not photograph every cute thing she was doing. I’ve begun asking her thoughts on whether she feels like having her picture taken and being respectful of her opinion.
Speaking of pictures though, that last one of you two….oh the happiness! I hope it is going up on your wall
Oh Melissa, I’m so touched to read this, thank you. You have influenced my parenting more than you know. You help me to see beauty everywhere, finding loveliness in the every day, keeping a smile on my face, and relishing family togetherness. Thanks for your kind words about the picture. It is one of my favourites.
Thank you for this beautiful post Ness. It really is an eye-opener moment! Thanks for sharing this reminder
Hi Cherie! Thank you. I so love it when you stop by. I hope you are well. Not long now!
OUCH!!!
This one hits home! I find myself doing the same things! I’m so excited to SHARE what she’s doing with everyone that I’m not always sharing IN what she’s doing!!!
Which reminds me…..
Oh, I LOVE how you put that. That sums it up perfectly. Thank you for reading my post and for your lovely comment Diane.
Love this post. You honesty resonates with me. It’s hard not to live our days through the camera wanting to hold onto those precious memories. But as my husband said the other day, living through photos means your living in the past before it even happens! Let’s live in the present and be present – and take a few snaps along the way! Best decision ever for me was to get rid of my smartphone!
Thanks for your lovely comment Bek. I love how your husband put that – what a perfect way to sum it up. You are so strong to get rid of your smartphone. I’ve thought about it, but I just don’t think I could go through with it. Just need to keep myself in check with it.
Lovely post. I’ve lost my smart phone and have a temporary really rubbish be with no Internet or camera. I’m actually enjoying not having the distraction of a mobile. I still have the Internet at home but it’s lovely that if I go out I’m completely in the moment.
Thank you for reading and commenting Rebecca. It’s funny isn’t it, we think it’s so essential but then when it’s gone (or lost!) we see that it’s actually a blessing to be without it for a while.
This is so beautiful, honest, and inspiring! Technology is truly a blessing–so much we can do with our gadgets–but it can also be such a distraction that keeps us from looking at life with our eyes! I love that you allowed your son’s words to give you this powerful reminder. Thank you for sharing this message. I need these reminders, too.
Thank you Rachel! Yes, our children have some wise words to tell us if we stop to listen.
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I love this post! Sometimes I think blogging would be easier for me and that I do better/get better photos and capture more moments if I had a smart phone. Your post reminds me that I can look at the upside to not having one. I think of my husband too when I read this post because he shoots video of our boys (really great video) and makes amazing short films each year capturing that year in their life and of our family. Sometimes, when we are doing something special or cool, though, he will not have the camera and I will be a bit bummed and ask him about it. His response is inevitably, Today I just want to enjoy this moment. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for stopping by and for your lovely comment Jen. The smartphone is wonderful, but yes, there are definite advantages to not having one. What a wonderful perspective your husband has. It’s all about finding that balance, isn’t it?
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wow.. that is an insightful boy you have there…
This is just wonderful. The entire paragraph about worrying about your memories versus his was just phenomenal. When I pinned it, I knew that I wanted to pin it with a quote. And the sentence I chose was the default.. which is neat. It’s *powerful*. I love it! Thank you for sharing.
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It’s a good reminder to think about how we look from our child’s perspective. Sometimes I’m so busy looking for the camera that I can’t just enjoy the moment as it happens. I think “I have to capture this!!!” and then I annoy my little ones by running around the house looking for the camera! Oh man.
Lindsey @ GrowingKidsMinistry.com